The Light in Your Eyes

Two days ago I woke up my boys and told them that one of the dogs they have never lived without, died while they slept.

Scout picked us in December 1992, the year we were married, and to have him in our lives for nearly 13 years has been a phenominal ride.

Last Thursday our hunt for the illness that had been quickly weakening him ended with a trip to the cardiologist. A sonogram showed DilatedCardiomyopathy. While the prognosis is nearly never recovery, the vet was hopeful we could halt it's progress and put him on a series of 3 medications given at various intervals throughout the day and night.

We were thrilled when he responded well to the medications to help his failing heart. From several sleepless nights with him in the days previous, the days post diagnosis were wonderful. We watched him get up and walk himself outside again. He wanted food and water. He was alert and responsive and trying to coax Terry out of his salami slices just like always. They will remain the wonderful last memories of a truly extrodinary dog.

At 1am Monday morning he started barking and we went to him. He knew we would. His heart was racing and we knew. We both held him, told him we loved him and that it was ok to go and he did. His heart just simply stopped. To be there with him, told hold him as he slipped away was a gift.

Scout was my teacher. He was there when I learned about his breed and about showing. He endured grooming practice and early morning ring times. He put up with me as I made mistakes as an obedience novice, and he spent many a time in the ring making me both equally proud and humble. He taught me how to laugh at myself, to be a good dog mom, and a good kid mom...now he's teaching me how to let go.

Andrew told me it was ok, that we always told him that dogs know when it's time for them to go, but that he'll miss him a lot.

I will to.

Rest well Moose Dog. We love you.

Blossom Hill Dunkin' Blue, CDX
"Scout"
November 23, 1992 - October 10, 2005

http://www.geocities.com/~duncanfamily/scout.html

Healing the spirit

It has, simply put, been one of those weeks.

My kids are healthy, my husbands working, I'm at home where I want to be, yet I'm drained. Like many others involved in animal rescue, I put my heart into the cause because I believe in it. I want to help those dogs so much less fortunate than my own who have lived their long, happy, lives never having to worry about being hungry and drinking purified water in their bowls. They've always had soft beds all over our house and been members of our family. I wonder if they realize how lucky they have been.

We pull dogs from the shelter and put them in our homes. We give them food, shelter, medicine...whatever they need to heal. Aside from the physical, we provide the greater gift of emotional healing as well. They learn that trust and devotion don't always go unnoticed...that love can be returned...and that there are few things better than someone who can find that one special spot that makes your leg twitch.

To give up a foster dog is beyond painful. You've loved them, you've watched them become comfortable in their own skin again. You send them off to families who will make them the center of their universe, give them their own Christmas stocking on the mantle each year and fill it full of bones and squeeky toys. Knowing that life is in front of them is the only way you can let them go.

Imagine our distress to be reminded that doesn't always happen.

We have a former rescue dog in a vet hospital right now. She was found barely alive in a field quite a ways from her adoptive home. They didn't care for her, feed her, or take her to a vet for regular care. She was alone and injured and left to die. She trusted us to find her that Christmas stocking home and we let her down.

I tell my kids that the only way you can learn is to make mistakes, but I wish the stakes weren't this high. Logic tells me that there are odds at play - that every placement can't be perfect, but we certainly hope the ones that aren't perfect are at least loving.

For now she's recovering and soon will return to us. I'll meet her for the first time and introduce myself as her new foster mom, though she'll have the entire rescue family rallying behind her. We'll rehabilitate her body and rejuvinate her spirit. With any luck, she'll continue to trust man, the species that caused her so much pain. Somewhere out there is her Christmas Stocking Home and this time we're going to find it because she deserves every one of those bones and squeeky toys.

The Fantastic Four...Days, part 1

I just got home from the most thrilling and intense four days I can remember having since...well, honestly, I can't remember anything like this - EVER.

Having written romance strictly for the fun of my friends and family, I decided when I was laid off that it was as good a time as any to work on revising my favorite completed story into a marketable manuscript. As part of that goal, I considered joining the Romance Writers of America and attending their national conference since it was being held in Reno which was close enough for me drive there. After much contemplation and a little push of encouragement - I did join the RWA and I signed up for the Reno conference - held this past week, July 27-30.

Little did I know that the cosmos would give me extra encouragement. Only the day before I was to leave, I found out that Hayden Christensen was a Bull Run Racer and that the 100 'interesting people' driving in the race were due into, of all place, RENO on Wednesday!!! Now, for those who don't know, my obsession/admiration/fangirl tendancies for Hayden Christensen border on the insane. I have a webpage dedicated to him, I have made music videos of him, stood in line at Star Wars Celebration 3 in the pouring rain to get into the room JUST to hear him speak.

Still, the cosmos is kind to me and throws me an occassional bone. At C3 I got to ask him a question and got to hear him say "Hi Michelle" and "How are you doing?" which was completely worth it. But this bone...well, we're taking major archeological find kind of big! I was going to be there with nothing going on at the conference Wednesday except for registration. So, off I went to go watch the racers come in.

Little did I know that it would be so easy to meet him - he was just THERE, cute tush hanging out of one hot yellow lambourgini. You could just walk right up to him, and I did. You could tell he was hot and tired, yet he took time for his fans...including me, and signed my GQ with him on the cover. The press caught it on film and I think my online sisters for finding it for me. I would have been happy with just that encounter, but there he was again in the lobby where he took a picture with me and then in the back of the hotel later where I made a joke that not only made him laugh but caused him to wink at me!!!! It was a fangirls dream.

Riding the Hayden High, I called absolutly everyone I knew, hugged one of my online sisters, Melissa, who had joined me in the quest and sat up all night chatting with the other ones reliving every single second...but the next day it was back to work - the conference would be underway and it was the reason I had gone to Reno, but again, the cosmos had other plans.

I have a friend going through a really tough time right now and he called to talk during one of the morning sessions. I went outside to my car and talked to him until his cell phone battery died and looked at the clock - almost lunch. Rather than sit through the long conference lunch I decided to go watch the racers leave. I had had enough Hayden encounters the day before, I didn't want to take up anymore of his time - there were other fans that deserved their time as well.

I ended up talking with another online fan (Hi Andi!) and together we talked to one of the decoy car drivers (I call him Sith Roadie Guy, who gave us both the 'Sith Happens' Bull Run team race shirt!!!) and... wait for it... Haydens brother Tove. Let me just say that I always believed Tove was handsome, but watching him and speaking with him, he's as great a catch as his brother. My friend Maria calls him a 'tall drink of water' and thats a great summation. When we asked for a picture he looked like he didn't understand the fuss, but said 'Sure' and then stood there with us for 10 minutes talking about the race, tickets, unfriendly cops, and the bugs in Fiji. At one point he spoke French talking about an Eco-Challenge type race they are considering doing in France and I about died...it just rolled off his tongue.

We watched the racers leave and I headed back to the conference, wondering how it would ever compare to meeting an actor whos body of work I admire and whos commitment to his fans was overwhelming.

I'll post a part 2 here soon with details of the joys of the RWA and my encounters there soon - and I'm working on getting all the Hayden and Tove pictures on line as well, so don't give up.

Till next time...

Charlie & the Chocolate Factory

Can I just say that I'm a fan of the original 'Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory'? Lets get that out there because it says a lot about my frame of mind going into what I considered to be a remake. Yeah yeah yeah, I know - this ones based on the book more so it's really NOT a remake, but Gene Wilder was Mr. Wonka through my childhood and adult life. That doesn't go away over night. Plus, Tim Burtons movies are just too bizarre for my tastes, normally.

Johnny Depp is HOT. That also needs to be said - along with the fact that his character portrayal REALLY creeped me out in the previews. I went in hesitant, to say the least - but the hubby and the kidlets wanted to see it, so off we went. Now, having just gotten back home, I have one word...

WOW!!!!!!

They gave Willy a backstory! It was no long just a purple glad Gene Wilder doing his softshoe through the edible tulips, but a genuine and flawed candy maker with a PAST! Willys father was portrayed by Christopher Lee. I'm not sure how my Star Wars tunnel-visioned brain missed that part of the press release, but what a shocker to see his name in the credits.

The Oompa Loompas are also a refreshing change - tiny little creatures and even THEY have a backstory. Their songs are often hard to make out, but Mr. Elfman did a wonderful job with the music. He and Burton must have been separated at birth - their partnership is easily as symbiont as Lucas and Williams. The fact that they have a song ready and waiting for each failed child is questioned by the continuing members, and gracefully ignored by Mr. Wonka - making it all that much funnier.

Having never read the book, I was unsure of what would be different. I love the changes made to Voilet and her mother. Originally she was just an annoying pushy kid who chomped her gum - but now she and her mother were girls on a mission. Mike TeeVee is accompanied by his father, whos a teacher, instead of his mother the teacher. His TV obsession is updated from westerns to violent video games. Augustus and his mother remain refreshingly the same. Veruca Salt and her father are close to the original as well.

Things I really loved about this movie...

• Johnny Depp - he made me like Willy despite that terrible haircut and creepy expression. His subtle glances to Charlie throughout the tour are very telling.
• The visuals - talk about visual overload! For every bit of his movies that I find creepy and odd, Tim Burton matches that ounce for ounce with spectacular sets and designs. The Chocolate Factory was no different - colors that I think Burton himself invented and an imagination beyond imaginations.
• The Music - I know I mentioned it already, but it bears repeating.
• The humor - Johnnys Wonka might look creepy, but he brings a humor to him and a neurotic side that makes him human and endearing. Wilders Wonka was larger than life - not so much with this version. He was just a guy, living his dream, forced into seclusion by candy competitor spies.
• The end - not because it was the end but because it wasn't the end of the original movie. Even as a child it bothered me that Wonka turned on Charlie - that he would be so mean and so cruel to this child who had done no harm, simply to 'test' him. Even when he gave him the factory, I still harbored a foul taste from his tactics. Happily, this wasn't Burtons ending and that made it all that much more special for me.

The boys wanted to see it again as soon as it ended and had asked even before we stood to leave if we could buy it on video when it comes out. I'll be right there waiting as they unpack the boxes. The movie that I had worried about enjoying, has now become my favorite of the two. Now...to go find the soundtrack.

Time for Second Chances

I created this blog tonight and named it 'Fate, Chance, and Circumstance' - now it seems only appropriate to introduce you to a living example of all three. This handsome and noble gentleman is Chance.

I've been volunteering with San Francisco Bay Area German Shepherd Rescue for a little over a year now as a foster family. The dogs are taken from shelters and placed in foster homes for a month where they get healthy, cleaned up, and evaluated for their ideal home placement situation. Our first girl, Tara, was with us for 6 months before her forever family found her. In a weeks time I was picking up Chance.

His time with us was supposed to be short - only a few days. We were a stop on a way to another foster family, but he had other ideas. Fresh from a 3 week stay in an over crowded shelter, he walked into my house and welcomed my 5 year old throwing his arms around his neck in a big hug.

Fate

While I find the notion unimaginable, Chance had walked the last walk of the shelter. He'd been lead to the room that you don't leave from, had his leg shaved and was about to be given the shot that would send him to the Rainbow Bridge...but he wasn't ready to go just yet. Tilting his head back, he licked the technicians hand and she spared his life and called rescue.

Chance

He came to us with the name 'Chief' for no other reason than the shelter people thought it fit the apache patterned collar they had given him. Still, he was a shelter dog and had no tags to put on it. Nothing to catch the light and hold the number of home he longed to find. I tried to call him Chief but every time I looked at him, I wanted to call him Chance. He responded to it, so it, like him, stayed.

Circumstance

There are too many to count when it comes to my favorite foot warmer. He was partially blind and was uneasy in new surroundings - so his temporary stay with us became more long term to limit his distress. Over the next few weeks and months he intigrated himself into the dealings of the house and I found myself talking more and more of making the long term, permanent. Then, like the day he saved himself from death, he made that decision for us.

Chances kidneys are failing.

His condition, while maintainable, made him unsuitable for adoption...and perfect for us. He'd require fluid therapy, but I was home full time now and able to do it. Protein became a no-no, so he joined my other two dogs on prescription kibble - nothing new there. I'm happy to not have to go to the local pet store for food. At least when I buy food at the vet's office I don't come home with new toys, a bunch of bones, and several fish. I think I might actually save money.

We look forward to sharing in Chances new life. My hope is that he had enough good memories during his time with us to forget about all the ones that led him to that Montery shelter.

Fate...Chance...Circumstance = one extra large family with a lotta kisses to go around